During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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