I seem to have left my pride at pride
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
