first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
