an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
