WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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