She is in my trunk
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
