The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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