Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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