Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
