i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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