That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
