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she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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