You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
