i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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