the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
