Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
