I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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