we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
