I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
