Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's shark week go big or go home
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
