you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
