Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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