Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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