I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
