I smell stomach acid.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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