i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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