Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
