break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
