and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
