im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
