fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
