I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have fence marks all over my body
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
