having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
