Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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