"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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