I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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