she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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