it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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