she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
