they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
