So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
