proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
