Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
