You really coming over, don't trick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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