They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
