That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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