wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize