I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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