he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
