She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
