I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
