I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
