I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
