dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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