Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
