1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
