hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want her autograph on my taint
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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