i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize