The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
