I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
