Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
