shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize