i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
