Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
