I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he thought i was a dude.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
