just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
