he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
