he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
