actually, I'm a sock model
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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