I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
