You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
