I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
