Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
