it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize