you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
