One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
