I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
