And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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