i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
