The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
