There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
