I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
