So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
