she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
