We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
