I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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