"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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