How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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