Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
