I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
