You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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