i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
