Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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