I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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