I am spending my child support on dildos
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
