I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
