omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
