did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
