My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
