Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
