my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize